


To Hope Again

by Monisse



Category: The Resident (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21651823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monisse/pseuds/Monisse
Summary: A patient reminds Nic of one of the worst days of her life, but Conrad is by her side to sooth the worries of the past, until hope turns it into one of the best days of her life.
Relationships: Conrad Hawkins & Nicolette Nevin, Conrad Hawkins/Nicolette Nevin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 58





	To Hope Again

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at a story in this fandom. It's a very simple one, with a fluffy ending, to start. Leave some love if you can.
> 
> Trigger warning: Miscarriage memories

She heard his gruff voice long before he rushed through the ER doors, commanding the people quickly gathering around him and leaving no space for questions. His urgent demands prompted even herself into action.

“…severe abdominal pain and vaginal bleeding.” Conrad finished while pushing the gurney into a vacant exam room.

Nic stood across from him and began assessing the patient with stethoscope in hand and expert eyes that took in every detail of the patient on the gurney. The woman therein was curled around her abdomen, eyes tightly shut and beads of sweat forming on the visible expanse of her skin.

“Ma’am, are you pregnant?” Conrad asked as he slowly removed her reluctant hands away and replaced them with his own. They pressed gently into the abdomen, and a loud cry filled the room immediately. Gritting her teeth, the woman only nodded in reply. 

With their usual harmony of movements, Nic reached for a bottle to apply a generous amount of gel on the abdomen and Conrad pressed the doppler against the skin there.  
The eerie silence that followed seemed to echo around the room and beyond. In that suspended moment, the steady sounds of their own heart beats, strong and alive, were deafening in their ears. Conrad shook his head dejectedly.

“Please help me, it hurts so much.” the woman pleaded, eyes now wide open in fear.

Instantly moved by the agony in the woman’s voice, Nic reached for her hand and held it between hers.  
“I know.” and even though Nic whispered, her tone carried the loud memory of a shared pain, which did not go unnoticed by the other occupants of the room. The weight of their gazes rested solely on her, and among them, Conrad’s stare was the heaviest.

“I’m taking her up to obstetrics.” he finally said. 

As she watched the woman being rushed through the corridor, Nic’s own hands came to rest on her still flat abdomen. In the sudden stillness of the vacated room, an unwelcome memory resurfaced from the darkest corner of her mind, forcing her to relive a day just like this. 

Unlike the hazy quality of a nearly forgotten memory, she remembered that day all too vividly. Outside her house, a cold storm had ebbed into nothingness in the early hours, finally resting upon the ground, white and thick. Nic woke up to a pure silence, peaceful in a way that contrasted with the restlessness she felt and the dull pain low on her abdomen. Unpleasant as it was, she had rapidly disregarded the pain as menstrual cramps. Even as a highly qualified nurse, it had not occurred to her how long it had been, having missed the cycles in the rushing of seemingly endless shifts and days that blended into each other. 

As the day progressed, the pain subsided to nearly insignificance while her mind became occupied with people’s demands for her undivided attention. Still, she felt uneasy. In the frenetic human flow of the corridors, Conrad had crossed her path many times throughout the day, his dark eyes, framed by fair lashes, grew heavier with concern. And every time he asked, her reply had been a single word. Fine.

The hours had stretched into night when she finally settled in bed with Conrad beside her, his soft snoring lulled her to sleep despite the ache that had then settled on her back.  
Only a few minutes later, she was forced into consciousness by a sharp pain on her abdomen and her body bent forward in reflex. Always a light sleeper, Conrad was fully alert as soon as he heard a breathless gasp. Her desperate hand sought his arm in the darkness and dug its nails deep into the flesh, effectively demanding his attention. He searched blindly for the lamp only to illuminate her whimpering form, with tears on her dark eyelashes and blood on the sheet underneath her. And amidst the intense pain that clouded her mind, she vaguely heard Conrad call her name over and over.

Not long after, Nic found herself in a hospital room, with the buzzing of the fluorescent lights above and the familiar smell of antiseptic making her feel surprisingly nauseated. The doctor spoke at length, though she only caught miscarriage and common out of a stream of words she struggled to assimilate. In contrast, Conrad absorbed every word in stoic silence while his hand held tightly to hers. His apparent calm demeanor was only betrayed by the glistening of the unshed tears she saw in his eyes.

On the last day of the year, Nic lay on the sofa with tears burning her eyes, wondering how could someone grieve so deeply for the loss of something, someone, unexpected. But there she was, suddenly empty again, robbed of a possibility she had no time to acknowledge. That night, and for many more afterwards, Conrad kept his feelings unspoken and well hidden inside.

Her page biped relentlessly for attention, which brought her back to the present. The memory, along with its feelings, faded slowly to the back of her mind and the surroundings became sharper once more. Finally, her body was in motion again with the resilience and dexterity gained from years of practice.

Much later, Nic sat alone in the nurse’s lounge, taking slow breaths and savoring a rare moment of complete silence. The setting sun filtered through the window, casting long shadows on the walls and bathing her lonely figure in both light and darkness. She then felt the cushions of the sofa move under the weight of a man, and even with closed eyes she recognized his familiar presence.

“Are you alright?” Conrad asked, his voice was as deep and soothing as the silence had been.

“Yeah,” her breath came out shaken, finally releasing all the tension accumulated throughout the day, “It was a hard day and I’m just really tired.”

His fingers lightly brushed the skin of her palm and laced themselves with hers. Silence stretched between them for a while, although she felt him restless and on verge of speaking again. 

“I never answered the question you made some years ago.” he eventually said.

“What question?” Nic turned her gaze towards him, entirely confused. 

His breath faltered slightly before answering. “What I wanted to do if we knew you were pregnant back then.”

Her heart pounded in her chest, eyes fully open in shock. It was uncanny, and occasionally annoying, how he could understand her unspoken feelings and seemingly read her mind with such ease. Even after all these years, she was still surprised by his ability to summon her most fearful thoughts and hanging them wide open between them. Such capacity went far beyond the talent of a doctor with great aptitude for diagnostics, it was a natural skill sharpened over the years by a deep love.

The surrounding air became dense with tension, or perhaps was just her sudden inability to draw steady breaths, and he seemed very aware of that while choosing the next words carefully.

“I would have wanted the baby, but I didn't know how to tell you then.” he stated, eyes steadfast on hers, “Saying that out loud would make it hurt so much more, and I was scared of feeling the kind of raw pain you felt so openly.” 

“I wanted it too.” she said with a small sob, the leftover of a pain that had not been entirely healed. However, those were the words she had wanted to hear from him for a very long time, and his sudden vulnerability felt akin to a soothing balm on a scar that would never fade. He had in fact come a long way from the reserved, constantly on edge, Conrad she one knew. 

“I'm sorry.” his voice was a broken whisper under the weight of the past.

“I'm still scared, Conrad.” her free hand rested nervously on her abdomen when she spoke. “What if it happens again?”

“It won’t. I know next time will be different.” there was a hint of a smile in his lips before he dropped a lingering kiss on her forehead and threw an arm around her shoulders.

Nic wanted to protest against his relentless confidence and reproach him for promising what he could not keep, but there was an illusion of faith to be found in his words, which put her mind at ease for now, and made her body relax into his warmth at last.

She turned in his embrace and moved her lips close to his ear. “Well then, I’m glad you are so sure, because I’m pregnant.”

Conrad moved so fast that she suddenly found herself held tightly in his arms, and there was a childlike note in his voice as he laughed openly. When he finally looked at her again, Nic saw a spark of happiness that would never be quenched. His brown eyes turned into half circles, wrinkling at the edges, deepened by a large smile. Nic could not resist smiling along, infected by his own joy. He kissed her with abandon then, and she poured into him the lingering sorrow of the past, and forgot, for a brief moment, all the worries about the future. Her mind was finally savoring the knowledge of their new baby.


End file.
